Dreaming...

Today, while it is rainy and gloomy in Southern California, 

I am dreaming of warm weather and the beaches in Florida.  

I love my Florida home and visiting my in-laws there every summer.   

The beaches are unparalleled 

(except maybe by the Caribbean...but I've never been there). 

A special shell message.

Such beautiful details everywhere  // Sea Grape leaves.

 The moon over sea grass  //  Pelican Beach, FL.

Gorgeous sunset. 

Sunset over the canal.  So still and serene. 

My girls love living at the beach while in Florida.

How I love their adorable beachy hair! :)

Swinging from Banyan Trees. 

Playing in fountains and splash pads!

Nothing beats a good afternoon thunderstorm...

Dreaming of the days when we're back in our summer attire...

What are you dreaming of today?

. peace .

Shift

There are times, like everyone, when I am feeling out of sorts.  In those times, I want to curl up, eat some chocolate, and ditch the world.  Here's the deal though, I decided that I will feel better about myself and my path if I decide to share it rather than pretending to have life figured out.  There are plenty of people, blogs, and Instagram accounts that have that covered...and I've unsubscribed from them all.  Really, who needs that?

- - - - - - -

Who am I if not what I do?  Does that make sense?  I spent years being the breadwinner while my husband followed his dream of being an AC in the film business.  There were many years of him not making much money but it didn't matter because he loved the work and was happy.  We knew the day would come (albeit 10 years later) that he would be in a position to bread-win all day long!  

When that time came and the opportunity presented itself for me to follow my dream, we jumped.  It was scary but I dove in with all the will and intensity in the world.  What I expected was to love what I do every single day and be on top of the world and shoot 365 days a year with a smile on my face.  What I did not expect was to despise editing, feel burned out, feel undervalued, and decide that I may have other plans/passions in my heart.  That was and is very hard to have learned.  The undervalued part is my fault.  I gave discounts to anyone who asked because I wanted everyone to have awesome photos and the economy is bad and I just want to be shooting and any client is better that no client.  Oh, my dear Wendi, how wrong you were.  The worst part?  I was warned!

When I stopped giving discounts to everyone, my work slowed to almost a stand still.  The straw that broke the camel's back?  A client told me they were hiring me because they could not afford their own son.  WOW.  Talk about a punch in the stomach.  I decided that if I was not going to make any money, I might as well like what I was doing (and not take clients that aren't right for me).   

But let's be real, I don't have clients beating down my door.  I am having an identity crisis of sorts.  Am I a photographer if I am not getting paid?  Does that even matter to me?  I make images that are important to me, isn't that what it is all about?  What is my purpose on this earth?  Maybe I halt the presses until I can do EXACTLY what I want to do.  Well, there is another kink...what do I EXACTLY want to do?  Well, I want to travel the world documenting my family and every place and people I encounter.  Realistic?  Maybe not.  Inspiring?  Definitely so.  I also want to finish school, fiiiiinallllly.  

Being at a crossroads personally and professionally is very tough for me since I used to have it worked out.  Maybe this is a good thing.  My heart has been shaken up and I am trying to feel like there is no shame in a shift.  I DO NOT want to be like every other photographer out there and that is partially what has me stepping back.  I want to do it my way 100% of the time.  Maybe I am ashamed because I feel like I have failed.  That is humbling and very hard to admit.  I'm sure most people would keep their mouths shut about failures (or perceived failures) in business.  I'm ok with transparency at this point in my life.  In fact, I find a bit of freedom in transparency.

I am not the person who wants to shoot weddings every weekend and I have had to accept that THAT IS OK.  I don't have to want to be a wedding photographer.  I used to think something was wrong with me...I mean who wouldn't love shooting weddings?  Well, apparently me.  I've discovered that I like shooting at my own pace and that is not conducive to shooting weddings.  But that is ok.  I am ok.

A few weeks ago I promised myself that the next time I picked up my DSLR I was only going to shoot with purpose.  I have lived up to that and it feels nice.  I'll always shoot.  As long as I live, there will be a camera close by...but what and why I shoot might be a little different as life goes on.  Maybe I will finish my surf project.  Maybe I will become a student of film again.  I always love being a student and I always love shooting film.

Thanks for reading and not judging.  :)  Here's to shifting and the good that can come of it.


. peace .


{ALL PHOTOS  //  JOSHUA TREE NATIONAL PARK, CALIFORNIA}

My Babes

Joshua Tree National Park, California // April 2, 2013

. peace .

Life Is What You Think

Something happened this morning that made a difference in my day.  Like made me do a complete 180, kind of difference.

I posted this on Instagram this morning:

.  .  .  .  .

It prompted me to consider a few things and then make the video below.  If you can get past the shaky hand-held video, the very messy office, my tattered face, and my overall awkwardness-on-video problem...I hope it somehow helps you to have a great weekend.

In light of trying to move past the icky that I have been feeling, I decided that the next time I pick up my camera (SLR) I will do it with the utmost purpose (where have I been?).  I want to shoot with stillness inside me.  I will be silent and observe the world around me and document it without making a ripple.  Recently, I have been trying to make photos happen too often instead of capturing or documenting life.  I think my passion has dwindled because of that mistake I was making and this is what the doctor ordered.  

I am starting a photo-only blog: https://wendisolari.wordpress.com.  There will be no place to comment, only a place to view.  I think it is part of my self-imposed therapy.  :)

Have an amazing weekend.

. peace .

I Love You To The Moon : Newborn Session

When my now-22-year-old nephew was just a little bitty guy, I used to tell him I loved him I loved him way up to the sky.  When my girls came along it was, "I love you way up to the sky and all the way to the moon."  Then, Piper added, "...and back again."  

There is no greater love than the love I felt when my children entered the world.  The love in my heart multiplied in ways I did not understand.  It's unmatched by even the deepest love I thought I had for them when they were safely in my belly.  That love became who I am.  Their protector and guide, at the core of it all.  The moon is not nearly far enough to express the love that lies within my heart, still.
. . . 

Enjoy this precious girl.  My heart fluttered just a bit when I held her for the first time.  She's technically not a newborn here, but she is such an itty bitty that you would never know.  :)

And my favorite...

. peace .